On this historic day, when our world will no longer be the same, I’m watching the inauguration and noticing a couple of reasons that I absolutely have to be president.
- So I can ride on helicopters
- I will leave the inauguration as outgoing president on horseback, just because I can
- So I can forget what office I’m accepting, just like Obama almost did
- So my kids can take my picture
- So I can gossip with the outgoing president with billions watching, and no one will know what I said
- So I can make millions after I leave office just for talking
- To be able to see my face blown up on huge posters and that people carry around
- So that I can sign presidential orders in one second or less with my super fast signature
- To be able to say, I want carrots, sardines and ranch dressing at 9 p.m. and someone gets it for me
- To be able to look in the mirror and call myself Mr. President for the rest of my life
So, will you vote for me at the next election?